I Am The Speed Merchant

I thought of several ways to make this post sound humble but, instead, I think I’ll tell you what really happened. 2 races this weekend at the Catherine Spiller Regatta in a fleet of 8 J/22s. Chelsea driving. Dana trimming. Yours truly on foredeck and tactics. 2 races. 2 bullets. 2 horizon jobs.

Here’s a conversation that occurred during the first race:

Me: Don’t worry about that start. Fill the tell-tales. No pinching. Hold here for a little bit and tack as soon as you can clear the committee boat.
Chelsea: Tacking.
Me: Little too tight on the jib trim… that’s better. Nose down now, Chelsea. We’re racing to the next header. Nose down. Fill the tell-tales.
Chelsea: I’m trying.
Me: Don’t try. Do it. Nose down. Good speed here. Hold that. No lower. How’s the helm?
Chelsea: A little weather.
Me: Tiny jib trim. Half an inch. No more.
Dana: There?
Me: There.
Dana: 2 boats are on our board. We’re faster. We’re higher.
Me: Good mode here Chelsea. Hold that. Perfect.
Chelsea:
Dana:
Me:
Chelsea:
Dana: I think we’re winning.
Me: We’re ahead by 100 yards if this wind holds. All we need is a… ahh sweet, sweet header. We’re down 10, see if it holds… ok, time to go.
Chelsea: 3… 2…
Me: Now. Chelsea.
Chelsea: Tacking.
Dana:
Chelsea:
Me: Don’t look around Chelsea. Tell-tales. Be perfect here.
Dana:
Chelsea:
Me:
Dana: How much do you think we’re ahead by?
Me: Dunno. Maybe 250 yards.
Chelsea: Dad. That was so cool.
Me: You may no longer refer to me as Dad.
Dana: David, what is she supposed to call you?
Me: You may no longer refer to me as David.
Dana: Well what am I supposed to call you?
Me:
Dana:
Chelsea:
Me: You may refer to me as Speed Merchant
Chelsea: Dad!
Dana: phtfft!
Me:
Chelsea:
Dana:
Me:
Chelsea: Dad, should we cover this boat?
Dana: Layline is getting close.
Me:
Dana:
Chelsea:
Me:
Dana:
Chelsea: Speed Merchant?
Me: We’re down 5. Let’s go ahead and loose cover.
Chelsea: Thank you Speed Merchant.
Dana: Thank you Speed Merchant.

The second race was just like the first. Except not as close.

I am the SPEED MERCHANT!!! Hear me roar!

More Sailing Pr0n

A kewpie doll goes to the person who can guess what this is, what it does, and the label on each of the 4 positions of the controller

If your name is Kevin, Pete, or Tom - You’re not allowed to guess.

Update - 18-July-2007

Looks like nobody is going to get this one. I’ll go ahead and ruin the contest by giving the result.

It’s a masthead combination tri-color, anchor, strobe light with a photovoltaic cell that turns the light off when the sun is up. It uses about 6 watts and can be seen from 2 nautical miles away. Switch positions are tri-color, anchor, strobe, and off. It is the ultimate cruising kit, and I may need a second mortgage on the house to cover the payments.

Does this mean I have to give myself a kewpie doll?